Reality
by Gotothewindow. Pickastar
Summary: Karen has dreamt of an extraordinary man since she was three years old. He was someone like herself, alone, guilt-ridden, and so very sad. She has watched him, lived through his adventures. But the question remains; is he real? After -'Journeys End'
1. Chapter 1

(A/N) OK well this isn't my first story but it is my first Doctor Who fanfic so please don't kill. I am really sorry if there're any errors on the page I'm Dyslexic so although I have used spell check and proofread i still may have swapped 'there's' for example. Apologies. *Deep breth* here we go.

**Reality**

**Here we go again.  
><strong>

"Interesting" The Doctor was leaning over the centre of the TARDIS, an old fashioned magnifying glass held tightly in his hand. "It seems to be a cross between..." He trailed off but did not move or even look up. This had been going on for too long for him to even rebuke himself for talking to thin air. It had been at least a month since he had left Donner, this unknown to her of course and he had not only been running from the loss but also from the pain that was always seemed to be hovering, ready to engulf him if he ever stopped. He suddenly felt eyes on him as if someone was watching him, well someone other then the TARDIS who he could feel looking over him sometimes. He looked up cautiously. He always trusted his instincts in cases like these even though he knew no one could infiltrate his box without him knowing. There was no one there and the Doctor sighed, feeling the hope he had subconsciously grabbed hold of slip through his fingers.  
>The TARDIS gave a load rumble, breaking him from his thoughts. He gave her a questioning look, "What is it girl?" He asked taking of his glasses and placing a gentle but firm hand on the consol. Almost in reply she gave a sudden lurch, pushing him backwards onto the chair he had installed a lifetime ago. His brow furrowed as he held on, desperately trying to reach a lever on the other side of the consol with his foot. His converses just managed to graze it when the TARDIS jolted to a halt, throwing him to the floor. Rising cautiously, just in case she decided to take off again, he reached for the built in screen. "What was that for?" he asked the machine, trying to sound angry. He pushed and prodded the wide variety of controls in front of him but got no answer. "OK I'm biting," he said with a sigh whilst walking towards the door, his heart not really in it but he stopped before opening it and gave into the grin that was forming, made of the excitement, expectation and fear that always filled him in these moments. He opened it suddenly and swept through.<p>

The sun was shining for the first time in what seemed like forever in Padstow. It bathed the streets in light and reflected of the water droplets, which had fallen just moments before, making the ground shimmer. It had been a long, hard winter but not even the new sun could light up the shadow that was permanently fixed over her heart. She stared out the window, her head resting of her upturned hand as her bright blue eyes stared off into space. She had been told only this morning that she had another new shrink. They had been handing her from one to the other since this had all begun and she had begun to tire of it.

"When do you go to him?"

She sighed, another one that couldn't read.

"Look you must have read my file so you must know the answers to these stupid questions that I have been asked a million times before."

The man sitting opposite her didn't seem fazed by her sudden outburst but she supposed he was used to 'difficult children.'

"It's not just about what you say, Karen, it's about how you say it." She didn't really know what he meant but didn't question him, just continued to look out the window, almost wishing he would come now. She knew he wouldn't though, she knew that he never came to her but she went to him.

"Mostly at night, but it can be anytime." She answered shrugging one shoulder.

"How often do you know your dreaming?"

"Depends how deep it is, nearly always when it's faint but like all dreams the more real it feels the more real it is."

"Are the trigger points helping at all?"

She knew what she was supposed to say, that they worked and that they have been helping her control it but only she knew that she hadn't tried them very much at all. Who would want to wake up?

"Yer, when I know I'm dreaming I can stop it."

"but you never want to."

Startled, she looked up causing a strand of thick black hair to escape from behind her ear. She studied the man across from her for the first time. He was quite small, height wise, but broad shouldered with smartly cut hair which was ruffled back from his forehead to give access to piercing green eyes. She held his gaze for a few moments before sighing and turning back to the window again – _who cares if he thinks I'm anymore of a psycho then he does already?_

"No." She answered bluntly.

"Is there nothing worth living for?"

He made it sound like it was a form of suicide or something but in a way it was, and she knew it. The last time she had stayed too long she had been comatose for two days straight, in reality. In fantasy he was having his heart broken all over again and she had wanted to stay, just in case he felt somewhat comforted by her presents. She stayed silent.

He followed her lead as the minuets ticked by before asking another question.

"How much do you remember of your parents Karen?"

She sighed, it always came back to this and it always hurt the same, no matter how many times they were mentioned there was still that dull ache in her heart every time. It used to be worse, the pain, it used to be constant, until he came.

"Flashes, here and there they tend to fade quicker though."

"Which is stronger, the fantasy or the reality?" She looked round at him with deep blue eyes almost boring into him.

"There both as real." She answered shortly with a sharp edge to her voice.

"In your 'flashes' do your parents see you?" She sighed, knowing what was coming, but nodded any way.

"Why do you think he doesn't?" and there it was, the question she had pondered over since he had first appeared. It had always been the same; she had always just been looking on, never a physical part of the adventure, the love, the loss. It had been what had puzzled the psychiatrists the most; why create a make-believe world and not be a part of it?

"I wish I knew." She whispered, trying to keep the tears that were threatening at bay.

That was the one thing that she waited for, wished for, and lived for; The Doctor to notice her.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N ok all those who have read my other storie(s) know that I COMPLELY fail at Geography of any sort so I apologise to anyone who lives/knows/is going to know about Padstow but I have just used the name and made up the rest. Also tonights episode = creepy 'TICK-TOCK GOES THE CLOCK, EVEN FOR THE DOCTOR...'

The sea was lapping at the shore line with gentle, topaz waves. The echo of a sweet laugh hung in the soft breeze. A beautiful woman ran with light feet, her arms stretched wide, and her face a picture of joy.

Murky morning light hung in the air as a strangely familiar little boy with dark hair looked up from shells he had been collecting obviously to try and locate the strange whirling sound he had, no doubt, heard just moments before. He swept the deserted coastline with his eyes but must have come up empty because he shrugged he went back to the bucket full of sea shells. A clear voice cut through the air, seemingly startling him.

"Ahhh good old fresh sea air, does the lungs a world of good, well unless you're a Zigria then it's probably not so great in fact in large doses I'm pretty sure it gives them..." the man stopped as if only just noticing the shocked face of the boy standing not ten feet from him.

"Sorry, I'm rubbish with the whole names thing first, I'm the Doctor." He took a few steps towards the boy, extending his hand in greeting. Sam looked up at him, his mouth still hanging open, and cautiously put his small hand in the mans larger one.

"I'm... um... Sam."

"A pleasure to meet you Sam and a very nice name, may I add. I knew someone called Sam once, actually, no wait that was a Samantha and I have a feeling she was a Dodo... anyway where are we?"

Sam, who looked as though he had recovered from his initial shock, deciding to ignore the 'dodo' part and was now shaking his head slowly and wore a confused expression,

"but you must know were we are."

"Must I?" The boy nodded his head.

"Oh Right then I must know were we are so..." The Doctor proceeded to take a deep breath before coughing and grimacing.

"OK defiantly Earth, somewhere along the Atlantic cost..." He stuck his tongue out slightly then pulled it back in. "...Pasties... Cornwall?" He looked towards the small boy, who was looking at him like he was mad, for confirmation.

The boy nodded slowly and whispered "Padstow."

_Fantasy. _Shetapped the back of her hand four times in quick succession.

Karen gasped awake; automatically shooting up to a sitting position and was greeted by the same morning light she had just left. She was panting slightly from shock and, scrambled for a switch, which proceeded to flood the room with electric light. She looked at the familiar room and felt her heart slow. He couldn't be here, he doesn't exist. It was just a dream, her brain trying to make him seem closer, more real. _Just a dream_. She didn't know if she believed it or not but she still felt excitement and nerves mix in the pit of her stomach. Reaching into the draw in her bedside table she took out a worn, stained notebook. The book was thick as it was filled with neat, tidy handwriting, the pages swelling with ink. It wasn't very long ago that in one of her dreams The Doctor turned into a human to hide from 'The Family of Blood' while he was human he didn't remeber anything about his Time Lord life but it seeped through in his dreams. He had written these down in his own diary and inspired her to do the same. So she had describing there adventures in as much detail as possible. She turned to the next clean page and poised her pen, mentally retracing her steps. But the Doctor didn't come to mind, her mother did. It was only then that she fully remembered the first part of her dream. She felt the pang of remembrance but still fought hard to keep the memory fresh for as long as possible.

The dream was fading away like footprints on the sand when the tied was coming in but she still remembered clearly the word that had been bouncing around in her mind since she had woken. Padstow. She noticed for the first time the glowing red numbers on her alarm clock, 07:17. She wondered for an instant why there was no sound but the crashing of waves on the shore before realising it was a Sunday and not even the care workers got up before 8 on days like this. Turning the light off, she snuggled back down into her duvet and closed her eyes.

She had been just four years old when her parents were killed and she had blamed herself ever since. As she watched the fading image of her mother laughing on the inside of her eyelids she felt the guilt seize her once more. She chocked back a sob knowing that if someone heard and came in there would just be more endless questions that would lead no were and answer nothing.

Suddenly she was with him once more.

"Nothing at all? The doctor said, his face like a child who hadn't got what he wanted for Christmas. They were strolling down the coast line heading in the direction of town as Karen fell into step beside them.

"Nope, nothing strange that I have heard."

"The TARDIS wouldn't have brought me here without a reason." His brow furrowed in concentration. "What about you then what are you doing on the beach at..." he looked at his wrist like there was a watch there even though Karen could see quite clearly that there wasn't,

'Twenty past seven on a Sunday morning in the middle of February' Karen though almost willing the doctor to say the same thing.

"Twenty past seven on a Sun... no wait." He suddenly shook his head wearing a confused expression. "That's not right... 10 past eight on a Saturday morning in the middle of January."

"I need sea shells for my school project."

"Alone, at this time?" Same frowned at his comment.

"I'm not a baby you know, I can look after myself."

"Of cores you can." The Doctor sighed. "So you're not an alien intent on destroying the world then?" The Doctor clarified with a sad expression on his face. Sam shook his head slightly and laughed.

"Are you sure because I have seen many aliens that are in human form and some that don't even know that they aren't human." While he was speaking the Doctor has pulled his sonic and was buzzing it in Sam's face. Sam looked at the sonic with his brows furrowed and was about to say something when the sonic changed its tune. The Doctor stood up straight and looked at it with the same expression Sam had on just moments before.

"Hold on..." The Doctor shook it and flicked it slightly before turning it back on. It continued to make the sound and the doctor seemed to get even more confused.

"It seems like there's something interfering..." He twisted it around by his ear for a minuet before holding it out in front of him, "...like static and it's coming from... there." He stopped and Karen gasped as he seemed to look directly at her.

_Fantasy. _Her hand automatically positioned itself but she couldn't use the trigger. He had noticed her.


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N) Well thank you to all those who alerted but I was disappointed that only two of you reviewed . A special 'thank you soo much' to emoras and 'Anxious' for reviewing! it's only for these guys I'm actually updating.

Well I don't own Doctor Who and I wouldn't really want to I couldn't believe that the Tardis is bigger on the inside after I had seen it could I?

~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~

Chapter 3

He stared intently at the empty space the sonic was pointing towards at the same time feeling a sensation similar to pins and needles in his mind. He could hear rapid breathing and felt some presence but he couldn't see anything.

"Anyone there?" He asked softly.

Karen's hopes fell like a ton of bricks when she realised he hadn't seen her. Tears started to cloud her eyes as she stepped towards him. This sort of thing had happened before, he would just look in the direction she was and had somehow managed to look right at her without noticing. This didn't mean, however, that it hurt any less.

"Doctor," she half whispered begging him to see.

The sonics' frequency went up a notch suddenly and the Doctor looked at the readings even more confused. He heard his name as a ghost of a whisper echo through his thoughts and he looked up again trying to see past the nothingness.

"Who are you? Show yourself."

"Who's who Doctor? There's no one there." Sam spoke up, wondering if it was possible that this man was madder then he had first thought although his mother had told him he was.

Karen was confused. Was he actually speaking to her? Had he heard what she had said? Was this all just a coincidence and she was kidding herself? He had done this sort of thing but never on this scale and Karen was torn between staying and possibly watch as her hopes crash and burn or wake up and be left wondering for who knows how long. She knew what it was to have her foolish trust in her dreams control her emotions.

There was a time, 3 years after her parents had died, that she had dreamed of them coming to get her from the strange old house she had been put in. Of them telling her they were so sorry for leaving her all by herself and were never going to do it again. She had woken up the next morning and for two weeks she had been certain that they would be turning up at the door any minuet. The care workers had done everything they could and had been about to turn elsewhere to get hope when she had reached an understanding with herself, at a tender age of just 7 that she wasn't going to mention her parents again because she didn't want to see another look of sympathy on someone's face. When she came to terms with the fact that they were never going to show she had promised herself she would never put that much trust in her dreams again. She had kept that promise until he showed up.

Looking at him now with his floppy mass of dusty brown hair blowing everywhere in the cool breeze and his beautiful face all crunched up in concentration she made that promise again and, with a whispered goodbye, tapped the back of her hand.

The sonic fell silent at the very moment the tingling in his mind had stopped but he still herd it, drifting in the momentary still air the very faintest hint of a whispered goodbye. He couldn't understand the sudden loss he was feeling, as if someone very close to him had been saying that word.

"Doctor?" he stayed silent a look of pure sadness crossing his face but only for a moment before he turned to Sam as though nothing had happened.

"Yes sorry about that. Now where were we? Oh yes you were telling me how you weren't an alien. I can see that now, none of the telltale signs, you smell like a human, talk like a human and don't fuzz when I shake my head."

~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~(:~

The tears that were cascading down her face had made a salty puddle that was rapidly being soaked up by the soft pillow that had softened the landing of her defeated fall back into bed. The book, which had been still sitting there ready to be written in, had been hastily shoved back into the draw as she had tried desperately to keep the tidal wave of emotion at bay. It had only taken a moment for her defences to fall and the dam to break. She wasn't aware when Barry, her social worker, came up and knocked on her door or when he had got no reply came in her room. Neither was she aware when he shook her trying to get her to respond; all she was aware of was the fading image of a face that was contorted with such sorrow her heart clenched, the face of a man she had dreamed of all her life.

"Doctor?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Can I go and see if the TARDIS is really bigger on the inside? I know I'm not to ask questions _about_ you any more but I don't see why I can't ask a question _to _you."

"I'm sorry?" The Doctor stopped his short steps and turned the boy with a look of bewilderment.

"I was just wondering because I know it is but my mind goes all weird when I try and think about it and I thought if I could see it then it wouldn't go weird any more."

The Doctor knelt in the sand so he was the same height as the little boy and gently rested his hands on his shoulders.

"Listen Sam because this is a very important question; who told you that the TARDIS was bigger on the inside?"

"My mummy did of cores."

"Of cores she did, right." The Doctor took his hands of the boy's shoulders and rubbed his face before running one hand through his hair and turning his attention back towards the boy. "Sam, what's your mummy's name?" There was an urgency in his tone that Sam thought was very similar to his mothers.

"Karen." The Doctors frown deepened as he tried to place the name. Coming up empty he tried to push the guilt away and fix his attention back towards Sam. "Where's your mummy now?"

"At home."

"I would very much like to see her can you show me the way." The boy nodded enthusiastically and pulled him along, his small hand tugging at his much larger one.


End file.
